Reflection

After the year my family has had, I was reminded this week again how lucky we are. It's been tough...it's been almost a year since Barb died....our friend passed away from cancer, Brad's grandpa lost his battle with cancer, and this week my family lost a dear friend. I was the least close to her, as she was in the dance group that Mom, Dad, Tiff, and Jessica joined after I moved to college. I did know her and her relentless love for life so it makes me very sad that they have lost this love in their life this week.

We all live far apart right now, building our lives into something they never could have been had Tiffany, Brad and I stayed in Iowa, but it seems that over the past year, we have needed each other more than ever. I was reminded this week that we have this connection that allows us to rally for each other.

I don't know how I got this going in my head, but just looking back at my whole life and how our family unit has evolved, I am so grateful for what I have. The original 5 of us (M, D and the 3 girls) went through a lot when we were growing up. Like every marriage, my parents had the greatest of ups and the lowest of lows. We didn't have any money (cops are as poorly underpaid as teachers) and I remember times that we could barely afford my asthma medicine. With my dad working the hours he did, my mom always on a quest to get a job that paid more to provide for us and the 3 of us having to fend for ourselves many nights after school (that was of course back in the day that you could leave your children home alone), I'll admit there were many days that the house was more tense than calm. There was not an overabundance of i love yous or hugs (except at bedtime and when Dad went to work--it's a small town, but you never want to take the chance that he might not come home) but I think we all always knew that we loved each other. I can see now the great love our family has and shows for each other. I think that we always had it, we just have needed it more this year...

Rewind to a time when Tiffany was with someone, who I wouldn't give the privilege of calling a man, who didn't make her happy. The family tried to convince her (that didn't work) tried to support her (even though we very much disagreed) and one day, my dad just couldn't take it anymore and simply, we went and rescued her. I think Brad said it best when he said our family is close and if you marry one of these girls, you marry this whole family. We saw one of our own in trouble and reached a point where the unhappiness just wasn't acceptable.

Fast forward to when Jessica found out she was pregnant more than 2 years ago. We'd all admit that this created a huge tension in the family and for the first time, I felt a very uncomfortable, and great divide amongst us. 99% of it boiled down to miscommunication, and being that 2 of us were 1200 miles away, it made trying to fix this that much harder. It was probably the most uncomfortable I had felt in my family in many, many years. In the end, it all worked out, I think mostly in part to the honesty that we all possess. We are a family who tells each other how we feel, even when we don't want to hear it. It might escalate problems at the time, but in the long run, makes things so much easier to resolve. We got through this part quickly and the focus turned where it should be, on supporting Jessica and Chad.

Fast forward again to the day that Barb died. I remember calling my dad, who was at the hospital with Mom and Grandma because Grandpa had bypass surgery the day before. When I told him what happened, I heard him gasp and felt his heart collapse and when he told my mom, I heard her sob in the background. On that day, our family heart broke. In the days that lay ahead, they all called to support, arranged for transportation to & from the airport, and even though grandpa was in the hospital, took time out to get to Ron and Barb's family to support them before we could get back to Iowa.

When Dad fell and "went boom" this summer. It was hard to be so far away, but immediately plans were underway on how to keep him busy during the summer while he was laid up. Tiffany had a great idea and Jessica and I were able to be there to deliver it. And boy, was Dad ever thankful.

Now that we all have great husbands and families of our own, it amazes me when I see people whose families don't get along and don't rally for each other. It makes me sad to think that they don't have people that would drop everything to be there in a crisis. I'm quite sure that if there was a horrible crisis, I would have several members of my family at my door. No questions, "I'm packing my stuff and I'm coming". Jobs, houses, cars, and other stuff aside, none of it would matter-we would figure it all out later, the important thing would be, get there and get there now.

I mentioned before that our family has evolved...From "just the 5 of us"., we grew to "just the 10 of us". We all married wonderful husbands and Jessica has 2 great kids. I know that the men we chose were not on accident, they are true members of this family and true supporters of all of the rest. I don't think our family would allow it any other way. It's really like I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers (just take out the "in-law" part entirely). Again, some of us live far apart right now and can't physically be together all the time...But what's comforting to know is that something as simple as "just checking to see how you are" is sometimes just enough to stay connected. We all recognize that each branch of our 10 member family tree is on a quest to make our lives better and get as much out of life as we can...and we are all doing it in our own little ways...And even though that has taken us far away from each other, it's ok, because we have learned how to support each other regardless; whether it a trip to attend graduation or a phone call to see how your handling the loss of a dear friend, it all just feels good to know that there are people out there rooting for you, no matter what.