Starting in the middle of last week, I had a headache that would not go away. I was pretty sure it was coming from the back of my neck and spend time stretching, etc to try and help it. Saturday I ended up leaving work 4 hours early. Along with this headache I have felt like THE biggest grouch and I have no idea why. Two weeks ago I landed in a pretty confident place with my job and where I might be going in the future so I feel like that was the biggest obstacle I was having. Since the end of last week - yikes - I just can't shake this. Everything seems to just plain tick me off. I got an adjustment on Tuesday and my neck was really jacked up. Yet, yesterday, I saw a work email that really just set me off. Without going into a long, drawn out story, it's just one of those things I have been talking with people about for two years - I guess it boils down to the fact that I actually have expertise in this area and yet I get, what feels like blown off nearly every time I talk about it and how we could do better at it. I think it reinforces the fact for me that I will likely not be at T forever, because the leadership in our building does not utilize the talents I have - Only the ones they want. And my boss, whom I really like, won't be there forever - So while we have a really good team right now, one of the only things that keeps me sane, the team will eventually be broken up. So, at bed time night, I was still ticked - I just want to smack people in the head sometimes. And even when I woke up this morning - yep, still in the funk. We have even have some really cool things happen over the last week - My friend Dulany and his wife Kari were in town and came over for dinner on Friday and last night we went out with some friends, Seth and Whitney, to one of our favorite local restaurants and Tuesday night, Brad and I went to another one of our favorite restaurants...And yesterday I got to spend time with Amanda and Christy doing some couponing, which was great to get done and great to catch up wtih them.
I think part of it is that I really have been hating working weekends lately. I really don't get time to enjoy with Brad and go exploring and do things that we LOVE to do. This is what I hate most about working weekends. We get to do some fun stuff - we have traveled recently, twice and we spend about an hour together every night, but on our travels, it's never been just us and the hour at night seems the tip of the iceberg to me most of the time. I am taking next weekend off so we can spend 2 days together before the next round of little ones comes to us. Speaking of that, the little ones don't seem to set me off, so at least that's good. :)
It's kind of funny that I had an appointment to see my counselor yesterday, but she had to reschedule. I love going to see my counselor just to have someone to help me walk the journey of life - she's kind of like a life coach for me right now. My appointments with her always seem to come up right when I need them to verbally process what's in my brain, but yesterday I didn't get to go.
And one thing I haven't really talked much about is that a friend of ours contacted us about an amazing, wonderful, selfless gift. We have talked about it some, but only when I bring it up. I think Brad thinks we are at our final decision about it, because we were almost already there about the topic (I can't/won't/don't want to yet share what that was) so I think he's like, ok done. I think for me, I just really haven't gotten to verbally walk through the steps and talk through getting there. I HAVE to talk through stuff, I can't usually just be "ok, done" with major life decisions - I want to talk about the options, why we feel like we are there and just confirm we're on the same page and good to go. Maybe it's that I've been holding that's making me feel this way.
Whatever it is, I hope I figure it out soon and it goes away! Grrrr.
