So I'm having some guilt...
it has been an extremely busy fall for us....it's the busiest time of year for me at work....I have worked some weeks of insane hours and others that weren't a huge number of hours, but completely exhausting where I could do nothing but pass out when I get home.
when it became time to go to iowa and have Christmas, I had no presents bought. the week we left, I bought everything online and wrapped pictures of the gifts i bought and gave those to my family...pathetic, really...the really bad thing....Not only did i have limited time to do shopping, I didn't feel compelled to go shopping on, let's say Sundays, when I did have some time...I'd rather hang out on my couch...i just wanted to rest.
it's 10 days until Christmas...I still have a few presents to buy for Christmas this Saturday....I still have presents to buy for people in Iowa....and then I have to ship them...obviously, they will be late....but again, with all that i have going on, I don't have an overwhelming desire to run out and be on my feet for several hours while shopping...Highly unusual for me, as I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE shopping...I'm just tired this year....
I haven't ordered our Christmas pictures. They will only take like 2 hours to print and then we just need to send them out....but i have no desire right now.
i have been couponing; i am behind on laundry; i have other things to do around the house;
i haven't even been able to stay awake long enough to read more than 2 or 3 pages in my Twilight book without falling asleep.
the tree is finally up and has lights, but no decorations...outside of that, you wouldn't know it's Christmas around here...the decorations are still in their tubs....
I am blogging, checking up on what my friends are doing on facebook, and watching movies with brad. i am going to play bunko tomorrow night instead of doing shopping that i probably should be doing...
my laundry is still piling up.....i finally paid the bills yesterday (they aren't late of, course, but i really put it off to the last minute)
i feel guilty....i don't even have kids...and i can't find time to get the holidays together....and when i do have some time, i either don't make time or don't get enough done in the time that i have....
we are getting another addition on friday...yes, we're getting another dog....and while i really, really want one, it exhausts me to even think about it right now...it will mean little sleep this weekend...something i don't need less of right now.
there is just so much going on and so much to do...seriously, when we finally do have kids, i might end up in the crazy ward...I don't know how you moms do it....and of course, i haven't run in a week....i'm pooped....if i ran, i might fall face first in a puddle and fall asleep there.....
so enough about all of things i have to do...i just feel guilty that i don't even have kids and i can't get my crap together....finding time to take care of myself, time to rest, time to nurture my marriage, spend time with Sammy and get everything done seems impossible....And if i do take time out to spend with friends or just sit and be i feel guilty about what i should be doing...so i coupon while i'm watching football....and fold laundry while i watch movies...i know everyone has this guilt, but these last couple of months have me really treading water...i can't seem to get ahead and i'm already always late for most things....i'm really bad this year....I can't wait to have a couple of days off next week....I would love to travel for Christmas, but i just can't muster it....i need a time out.
It sounds as though you DO need a time out. Are you eating well? vitamins? Do you have time for some R&R? Can you take a day off? Take the phone off the hook and read a book? Love you. AK
ReplyDeleteAndrea, don't be so hard on yourself! This is a crazy busy time of the year, and with working it's even busier. Don't feel guilty for any of it. That is a draining job--the hours alone, not to mention the mental stress. When Ryan gets home, I'm lucky if he can stay awake for two hours. Do you think he feels guilty for not doing the Christmas shopping or cards? Your friends and family will understand. You are doing the job that makes everyone else's Christmas shopping possible. Just think about that.
ReplyDeleteHey Dre' - Ease up a little on yourself okay? This time of year is stressful to begin with and then you throw in the economy, people worrying over their jobs, financial stress, etc..and it adds a whole new layer. My opinion (and feel free to disregard it all!) is to step back, take a deep breath, make a list of what matters to YOU (not what you think should matter to cater to everyone else) and then work off that list. Check each thing off as you go. Set up a schedule it you have too. As One Family Tree said, your friends and family will understand. Do you think I will love you any less because you didn't send a card? or because your tree only has lights but no ornaments? You do what makes YOU happy and relaxed. Maybe this year Christmas needs to take a back seat. What's more important? This one day and the few leading up to it? or your health, your happiness, and your marriage? I love ya babe! Keep up the good work, and cut yourself some slack!
ReplyDeleteI think the last minute shopping is hereditary, so you have no power over that. I know I've gotten calls from your mom on Christmas Eve from JCPenney wondering what my kids' sizes were... Just remember, New Year's Eve is God's way of telling you to sit back, relax, and drink some booze...
ReplyDeleteGina