Random

So it's clearly been a long time since I posted. Mostly because I have been incredibly busy at work and the kiddos have kept us running, too. Their appointments, while good, keep us on our toes! I have tried to set up Blogger on my phone, but it's grouchy and won't work right. Grrrrr.

While busy, we have enjoyed the little ones so much. Watching them thrive, learn and smile. It's enjoyable beyond words. 

It's also trying beyond words. Sometimes the schedule about kills me. That and living under a timeline that is not my own. One that belongs to the state of Iowa. I feel I have little patience at times. Patience for behaviors, behaviors common to little people this age. And then I remember. People don't usually have 2 kids under 2 in their house. But they need us. They don't need us to be perfect. They just need us to be. To love them. Until this all works out.

I often feel frustrated that we don't have our own kids, yet. Then I remember again. They need us. Their family needs us. I remember that it work out just the way it's supposed to.

And then I heard it. "Thank you". "Thank you for all you do". And that makes it worth it. And then I realize. We are exactly where we are supposed to be.

Things I Will Never Live Without

As long as we have little people in our house, I have found some of the things we will now never live without.

First: Coffee. Tea. Yummy chocolate treats. Margaritas. Wine. Great friends & family. I don't know what I ever did to have such wonderful people in my life. :)

Second: Things I will buy people who are about to have kids. I know every kid is different, but I might in a mental institution if not for the gradual discovery of these simple yet totally effective inventions. Almost all of my readers have kids, so this won't be news to you, so may this be a post that I can save and break out when one of my friends have their first kiddo. If you have any others, please let me know!

The rainforest jumpie. I put an APB out on Facebook one of the first days we had the kiddos for a walker. I put little brother on his stomach and he went crazy kicking his arms and legs. I thought, we have to get this kid something to stand in. My friend Sean called within 30 or 45 minutes and said they had this that they would sell us. I immediately agreed. Amanda arrived within the hour with it. Little brother LOVED it. He actually gets ticked if he doesn't get in it fast enough at certain times of the day. A few times I have looked twice to check the integrity of it, because I thought he was going to jump it into collapsing!

 The baby einstein kit. Charity and Dave gave this to the kiddos for Christmas. The board books stacked in the bottom left hand corner have resulte in FOUR bedtimes in a row with no tantrums for big sister. After reading how much toddlers like to have some control over their life, I let her take one to bed and set her down on her bum versus making her lay down.

Oh, this chair. I saw it at Target and thought...This would be good to help him sit up and not fall over. Beautiful. He loves to play on it, grab things from the floor. She loves to play on it. And it can be useful as a high chair later.

Gloworm, Heart Glow Baby. Taggie,  You make bedtime unsucky. I love you. There's nothing more I can say. The End.

Tana, you're a saint. The author of this book is a saint. Learning how the mind of a toddler works pretty much saved my sanity. LOVE.

Castle of Chaos

So tomorrow we will be at the 4 week mark of our adventure. How is that possible? What a difference a month makes!

First thank you to all of you who have read the blog and then sent me emails, FB messages, and texts. I've said it 10 times already, but I have amazing family and friends. If I haven't responded to you yet, I am reading and I will get back to you. I promise!

The first 2 weeks were a very big challenge for us. Me especially. I was a bundle of nerves, which caused me some tummy issues. It was nerve wracking trying to find out likes, dislikes, and to hone the schedule the little ones were on. I also had a mini-breakdown myself. Somehow actually embarking on this journey triggered something in me that I didn't expect...More mourning of our own kiddos. We technically have one more round of the medication we have been on and then we would have to go to IVF, which we are likely not going to do. I know it's not 100% the end, we can continue to try on our own, but given the stubborness of my body, we won't have the typical 12 tries a year...We really only have 4, maybe 5. So that first week was difficult taking little visitors but digesting these emotions at the same time was almost as much as I could take.

The first 2 weeks also brought me taking time off and being alone all day the first 2 days all myself. During those first couple of days, there are several people from the kids' lives checking to see how things are going, if we need anything, appointments to keep, and day cares to call. As if trying to figure out their schedules and getting us all adjusted wasn't enough?!

Kelly dragged me out of the house to visit a few day cares which was a blessing in disguise. We did find one which was fine, but did not overly impress me. And a shout out to my friend Sara, who reminded me that the day care would not have to be perfect. My job and day care's job was to keep them safe. Everything else was a bonus. We ended up linking up with an inhome day care that is fantastic. It's a bit crazy trying to get everything set up, as there are obstacles to overcome with paperwork. All of this together about made me want to jump out the window.

Big sister was working through those "not quite two tantrums" and frustration from not being able to communicate what she wanted/needed. So I immediately started Googling sign language. Tana used it with her kiddos and had great success. It was an instant help for us. We continue to introduce new signs and she is less frustrated, especially at mealtimes. We also have started showing her we are cooking as when she saw us moving any food around, she wanted it NOW. :)

I have called upon several friends and family for advice on napping, teething, and tantrums. The books that Tana suggested have been helpful. I haven't gotten all the way through them yet, but I have definitely dived in to a few chapters. One night Brad and I were reading one in the living room while big sister was protesting her bedtime in her crib. We have had some successful bedtimes and some not so fun times, but we continue to learn.

Some of the great moments:

• Teaching "more", "eat" and "milk" to big sister
• Teaching little brother to hold his own bottle in two days
• Teaching little brother to sit up on his own 
• A few successful bedtimes with big sister
• Watching big sister come out of her shell and be comfortable
• Little brother being a very happy baby - At least for the first 2.5 weeks. :)
• Friends and family coming by, emailing, texting, etc their words of encouragement
• Watching Brad be awesome
• Watching the dogs be gentle and "give kisses"
• Watching the kids warm up to the dogs, quickly.
• Big sister ran to give me a hug the first Saturday I went back to work
• Big sister giggles when I come out of the bedroom in the morning
• Brad making his first fort & playing in it
• Venturing out on our 2nd day with both kiddos to take a picture with Santa
• Christmas morning
• Making it to my parents for Christmas and it being a relatively tantrum free day!
• Being on vacation the week of Christmas - New Years so we could all get in a groove together.
• A wonderful shower over the weekend with some of our great friends
• Being able to balance a family Christmas, shower, and a NYE party all in one day!

This week of vacation has brought on a few more milestones. Teething...oh my...Last week little brother "found his voice" and during Christmas he has decided he wanted to being a screeching machine. I read that this is normal, but dang, I wish there was a way to use "inside voices" or turn down the volume!

I'm excited to keep blogging in order to capture and remember these moments. Until next time. Signing off from the Castle of Chaos.

Terror

Last night the Dellits met the Covenant ER staff. Around dinner time, big girl had her blanket in the kitchen while having a mini "I haven't had a nap & I'm extrememly tired" meltdown. I was burping little boy, holding him as he sat on the counter. I slipped on the blanket, going down and taking him with me. Long story short, as he was coming I couldn't get a grab on him with my other hand and we hit the deck, his little head hitting the floor.

He's fine - he's perfect - acted like his normal self after the intital scary scream of terror. He didn't even cry in the ER once. I on the other hand was a complete hysterical, crying basket case. Brad told me later that there was more care given to me by the nurses comforting me and telling me it was ok and kids are resilient, etc. etc. But of course I felt (and still do feel) horrible. I slept horribly, still shake just thinking about it, and have broken into tears several times today. It's one of those memories you just want to erase from your brain. And they aren't my babies...and we are trusted to care for them...and then this. I'm still shuttering at the thought...and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Thank goodness Brad was already on his way home and that Charity and Dave were able to come and sit with big girl in the ER while we were in the back.  And I'm thankful for others sharing with me today the accidents that have happened with their kids: falling off beds, infants catapulting out of arms, tumbling down stairs, etc. It makes me feel less like I'm in the running for worst parent of the year.

Brad keeps telling me, it was an accident...You will learn from it...It's ok...But it honestly doesn't help much. I know I should try to go on...But clearly it's going to take my brain a few days.

Ready, Set, GO

I know a lot of you have probably seen the new show or at least the commercials for Up All Night. And most of you are parents can can relate to the show. I find it hilarious and found myself and Brad in the show even before our most recent life changing day.

You know I can't say much about what is going on in our house right now, but what I will say is this....Two weeks ago tomorrow, we picked up two bundles after visiting them the Saturday before. One is 18 months and one is 7 months. For most of the last two weeks I have felt like the characters in this picture! It's been a great two weeks, but very challenging for sure.

We have had several visitors, calls, texts, and emails which have been incredibly fulfilling. Not only do they keep me motivated while we are transitioning,  it is unbelievable how supportive  our friends and family are. We couldn't have survived the last 2 weeks without our "village" of people nearby who have helped, dropped off meals, supplies, and toys. They have been SO helpful and the meals, delicious!

I can say is little boy and sweet girl are adjusting well and each day gets easier as we figure out our newest normal. And our workplaces have been so supportive as well.

We aren't sure how long we will have these little house guests, but we'll enjoy them while they are with us.

I'll post some of my favorite moments soon, but wanted to post an update for now.

Hope you are all having a great holiday season and get to enjoy the holidays with some of your favorite people. Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and Happy Hanukkah!

The (kind of) False Alarm Call

A little over a week ago, on Friday, I had pulled into the parking lot of Barnes & Noble when my phone rang. I saw it was a blocked number, which I never receive, I had a feeling. A really strong gut feeling. So I answered it.  It was IowaKidsNet. The lady on the other end wanted to know if we were ready. Oh my gosh. For real? That was fast. Yep, we are. Ok, it will probably be tonight. Gulp. How exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

We are really doing this. We really are going to be trusted to temporarily care for and look after someone else's precious little life (or in this case 2 little lives) What an honor to have this trust bestowed upon us.

Call Brad. Call Mom. Things to Do. Skipping trip to B & N. Turn Key in Car. Car won't start. Brad's in a meeting. Mom didn't answer, Dave didn't answer. Oh boy. Now what? Think! Who is not at work right now? Well, nobody...Because I work a bizarre schedule. My friend Sean is off today! I call his wife. Can you help? We just a call & my car is dead. I learn later she pretty much told him he needed to rescue me and did it in a way it sounded like he needed to leave the house NOW because I was upside down in a ditch. Smile. I love my friends. He rescues me. In his urgent dash out of the house, he forgets jumper cables. Mine are at home. Nice. That's helpful of me.  He takes me home to get the truck.

Call Mom again. What are you doing after work? Nothing? Want to go shopping me with me so I don't buy all of Target out? Yes! She's in.

Work. Geez. I have Saturday, but have to work Sunday & Monday. I text my boss that I may need to be off those days. He says to keep him posted.

I get another call. Maybe a miscommunication. A couple of families were recommended, too. Not sure how this will shake out. Humph. Ok. We'll see how it goes. I lose confidence that the first timers will be up to bat this time around.

Mom & I go to Target anyway. There's always returns, right? Better to be prepared. Breathe. I envy people who have 9 months to prepare for little ones to arrive. We shop. Not in the out-of-my-mind clearing of the shelves kind of  way I want to. I made a list. A specific list. And I pretty much stuck to it. When Brad found out later that we went to Target, he flinched & didn't even want to know the damage. I think he thought he was going to need another job. He was shocked to learn  I actually spent less than $100.

Mom and I go to dinner, Brad is going to meet us. He gets there and I tell him I haven't heard anything. He tells me he got the call at home. Not sure if they are going to need us or not. Won't know until Wednesday. But if they need a family, we are the family. Oh my gosh. Us. They want us to be the family to help. I can't even put my emotions into words.

Tuesday comes. I am to call them to get all of the information so we know what's ahead of us. For an hour I was on the phone learning. And learning.

Wednesday comes. The call comes. It's not going to be today. Some other things are going to happen. She'll call me next week to update me when she has more.

I'll admit. I was actually a little sad. But I am so glad we attended a training that was offered 4 days after we got our license so we can understand the process and the legal system. I have much more of an understanding of what's happening because we attended. Otherwise I might be stone cold crazy with wonder.

After the dust settled, I reflected on two things I hadn't expected. 1). That our training a few weeks ago would come in so handy already - Man, I am thankful we went.  2). I fully expected there would be a wide range of emotion if we end up being needed and when kids are reunited. But I did not expect the go/no go/maybe go on the front end. Didn't see that coming at all. And then I am thankful yet again for our first training a couple of weeks ago. Because at least I understand. And it's ok. They are doing the right thing.

And our friends and family have been AMAZING through this. And more offers of help and supplies have been coming. I could use up all of my "thankfuls" for November on this one topic.

So for now, we do what we do best at Casa de Dellit. We wait.

Life Changing Day

As you may have read on Facebook, we got our foster care license in the mail on Friday, November 5th. We also received our approval to adopt out of foster care. Yes, when I opened the envelope and saw these two pieces of paper, I cried. Finally, a route to parenthood that might actually succeed. A truly life changing day.

This means we are now "dually licensed" and can be utilized as a "concurrent" home. In Iowa the law is that DHS must find a permanent home for children 3 & under in 12 months and if about 18-24 months for children 4 and older. We could be selected to be a foster home for kids that need a foster home, but whose workers are asking for a "concurrent" home. That means that the foster parents may be interested in adopting the kids if they are not able to be reunified with their families. Remember that reunification is always the goal. It just depends on the adults in the situation and if they can get their situations on track.

So we patiently wait for the call of duty...I swear, if there was a waiting club out there somewhere, I could be it's president it in a heartbeat.

We have had so many friends and family offer to help, send clothes, bring clothes, bring supplies, offer daycare referrals, offer advice....It's been wonderful and feels like this is what was meant to be.

A quick update on the other front - We were not able to do IUI this month because my body decided to surprise us and I was out of town for the day. When we can't do the IUI, there is always the old fashioned way. :) If this round doesn't work, we have 3 months remaining we can be on the medication. So again....we wait.

Stee-rike!

 Well, IUI round 2 was not successful. So on to round 3 we go!

One Minute Writer: Twice

Prompt for October 10, 2011: Twice

Most of us remember when gas was half the price it is now. (It wasn't very long ago!) Write about something you'd still buy if it cost twice as much as it costs today.

My answer:

Something not to expensive, since I'm paying double. But something that makes me happy. Yep. Sour Patch Kids.

Delicious Ambiguity

“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…”  (Gilda Radner)

After reading this Gilda quote today, it struck me. I hate ambiguity. And I love it too. Weird. I hate not knowing, and love a plan, but I also LOVE surprises. I love when things are clear. And I love it when they are not. It makes life more fun. I guess maybe it all depends what I'm doing.
It's part of what makes this parenthood journey "fun". Will we get pregnant or get our foster license first? Will we have foster kids in our home and then get pregnant? How crazy will that be? What if our foster child is an infant and I get pregnant? Heaven help me. What kind of personalities will our foster kids have? We will get to help the older kids who are getting ready to age out? I really want to. I really hope so. This whole thing is so unclear and no clear answer or direction. I guess for me either route will be the ultimate surprise. Maybe it's why I smile more these days. Sure, I have my days. Tears, moments of self pity, moments of wishing I had the same relationships and moments with my own kids that our friends do. But I find myself telling our story with hope and smiles. We don't know how it will end, or even start for that matter. but it is sure to be fun.

We have embarked on Magic Beans Round 2. Everything about this journey is wrapped up in that Gilda quote. For Round 1's gory details, see here.


So for the next 2 weeks or so. We wait. Again. "Delicious Ambiguity..."