“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…” (Gilda Radner)
After reading this Gilda quote today, it struck me. I hate ambiguity. And I love it too. Weird. I hate not knowing, and love a plan, but I also LOVE surprises. I love when things are clear. And I love it when they are not. It makes life more fun. I guess maybe it all depends what I'm doing.
It's part of what makes this parenthood journey "fun". Will we get pregnant or get our foster license first? Will we have foster kids in our home and then get pregnant? How crazy will that be? What if our foster child is an infant and I get pregnant? Heaven help me. What kind of personalities will our foster kids have? We will get to help the older kids who are getting ready to age out? I really want to. I really hope so. This whole thing is so unclear and no clear answer or direction. I guess for me either route will be the ultimate surprise. Maybe it's why I smile more these days. Sure, I have my days. Tears, moments of self pity, moments of wishing I had the same relationships and moments with my own kids that our friends do. But I find myself telling our story with hope and smiles. We don't know how it will end, or even start for that matter. but it is sure to be fun.
We have embarked on Magic Beans Round 2. Everything about this journey is wrapped up in that Gilda quote. For Round 1's gory details, see here.
So for the next 2 weeks or so. We wait. Again. "Delicious Ambiguity..."
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