Terror

Last night the Dellits met the Covenant ER staff. Around dinner time, big girl had her blanket in the kitchen while having a mini "I haven't had a nap & I'm extrememly tired" meltdown. I was burping little boy, holding him as he sat on the counter. I slipped on the blanket, going down and taking him with me. Long story short, as he was coming I couldn't get a grab on him with my other hand and we hit the deck, his little head hitting the floor.

He's fine - he's perfect - acted like his normal self after the intital scary scream of terror. He didn't even cry in the ER once. I on the other hand was a complete hysterical, crying basket case. Brad told me later that there was more care given to me by the nurses comforting me and telling me it was ok and kids are resilient, etc. etc. But of course I felt (and still do feel) horrible. I slept horribly, still shake just thinking about it, and have broken into tears several times today. It's one of those memories you just want to erase from your brain. And they aren't my babies...and we are trusted to care for them...and then this. I'm still shuttering at the thought...and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Thank goodness Brad was already on his way home and that Charity and Dave were able to come and sit with big girl in the ER while we were in the back.  And I'm thankful for others sharing with me today the accidents that have happened with their kids: falling off beds, infants catapulting out of arms, tumbling down stairs, etc. It makes me feel less like I'm in the running for worst parent of the year.

Brad keeps telling me, it was an accident...You will learn from it...It's ok...But it honestly doesn't help much. I know I should try to go on...But clearly it's going to take my brain a few days.