One Minute Writer, oh how I’ve missed you

Click here for prompt from 9/25: Doctor

I love the One Minute Writer blog. I used to write about it all the time, using the prompt’s from Beth’s page. Then the move happened. I really want to get back into my blog regularly and this might be my key. Even when I didn’t feel like writing, the OMW made feel like it.

Saturday’s prompt was Doctor: Write about the best or worst doctor who has treated you.

First let me say, I know and have several fantastic doctors in my life, all who have taken tremendous care of me and who are tremendous friends. But let me tell you about Sarah, a fantastic P.A.  I needed a care provider when I moved to VA & Shari said she was fantastic…and boy was she right.  I usually just blindly picked a doctor and walked away feeling bad if the doctor chewed me out. But not Sarah. She listened, made me feel comfortable, didn’t mind if I asked questions, put up with my lack of patience, always entertained my wish to make changes vs. take a pill, and most of all, she cares.  I actually wanted to get better each year for when I went back to see her. When her office stopped taking my insurance, I kept going. When I moved away, I flew back to finish some dental work and crammed in one last yearly check up visit with her before I had to switch doctors. She set a new standard for how I “rate” doctors who treat me. She recently switched offices and said people cried when she told them. I definitely would have cried, too. Sarah, thank you. Health care providers like you make the world a better place.

So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road, Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why, It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time ~Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

Beware – posting has updates regarding my girlie parts.

The last 9 months have been an interesting journey regarding fertility. Recently, I’ll admit, I’ve been sick of peeing on sticks to test for the ovulation hormone. With the craziness of my cycle, it was very hard to tell if/when I was ovulating at all. I have taken Clomid 2 months in a row and still got a negative on my test (my schedule complications things because you are supposed to test at the same time every day).  Even my lab came back negative for the hormone last month. I told Brad that I don’t even care if we have a chance to get pregnant in a month, if that dang test would be positive just once so I knew my ovaries were cooperating.

Last week I started having cramps (like the monthly kind) and I chalked it up to all that’s going on in my body, especially since I should have been ovulating during the week. (all of my tests had been negative) On Friday, I could hardly stand up. I took some Midol and went to work, but was in a lot of pain. Basically it felt like someone was ripping my right ovary out my body. I called the doctor’s office and she told me that they think it’s just a cyst and to take ibuprofen and if that doesn’t work, go to the ER, because it’s something else. And then she told me that my labs for this month came back. My hormone level was great! She said last month it was 1.3 and this month it was 20 something! The meds are working!

The doctor’s nurse that I usually talk to called me back today, because she wasn’t there on Friday when I called. She said this is very common with people on Clomid and cysts flare up. She said that my ultrasound came back and said that I do have several small cysts around both of my ovaries and that this could continue. Oh, fun. I can’t wait for next month.

So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why… I really do believe that everything happens for a reason, and even though we are only a few months into this infertility thing, sometimes it’s hard for me to be patient. Especially when so many people get pregnant with babies they don’t want or can’t take care of. But I really have tried to make the best of this test…spent the time trying to figure out what changes we are going to have to make when we get pregnant, deciding how I want to take care of myself, and just plain trying to get myself a little bit sane. I like to plan things. This has allowed me to wrap my head around what things will be like. Keeping my nephews 2 weekends out of the month helped that, too. I really got a test of what having little ones around is like: fun, but crazy.

So I’ll keep making the best and avoid asking why. Everything will turn out exactly the way it was meant to be.

Maybe this time next year, this will be me. 

9AUG

And tomorrow may be too late

“Amanda” by Boston

At the risk of sounding, as they say “Holier than thou”, I’m going to be thankful yet again for how I live my life. The entire time Brad and I have been together, I wouldn’t let us go to bed mad at each other. We have always said “I love you, drive careful” to each other before leaving for work (yes, I know that’s no grammatically correct  ).  One of the worst things I can think of is having someone close to you die and you didn’t get to tell them what you wanted, or that the last thing you said was unkind. So, always a hug, I love you, or whatever is appropriate for a given relationship when I walk away from an encounter.

I found out today a friend I used to work with at AFFINA passed away suddenly over the weekend. Lonnie was a fun, funny guy who, while appearing quiet to other people, was quite the trouble maker. My friend Tiffy H and Lonnie were very good friends and we used to laugh our butts off. Each time we came back to Iowa and visited AFFINA, we would always stop to see Lonnie and talk with him for a few minutes. I feel so bad for those who still worked with him. They are just devastated.

About 2 weeks ago, a colleague I worked with at night at Target in Virginia passed away — he was 32. So sad. The obituary was less than informative, almost appearing intentionally without info. No one can seem to find out what happened, other than he died in his sleep. He had cancer in his mid 20s, so we can only speculate it came back.  I just laugh when I think about him. He endlessly cracked us up. Second shift was a fun, fun place with Patrick in the house.

Today’s just another one of those days where I am thankful that I live my life to the fullest, trying to cram in as much fun and quality as I can (and trying to make room for more); and also thankful that I don’t have regrets about the relationships in my life.

RIP friends – I hope you are cracking people up, where ever you are.

July Sabbatical

Oh blog world, I’ve been away the whole month of July. What’s been going on?

I haven’t taken a full week off of work since we moved back to Iowa (16 months ago). The longest vacation I have been on was last October for 5 days. It takes at least 3-4 days to disconnect from my work and to seriously be “away”.  I work hard. But I also love to play hard. I was at the point in a previous job of complete burnout and total exhaustion and have vowed never to get there again.  The recent months’ fiasco with trying to get time off  when I don’t get to see my friends and family much has been taking a toll on me.  I told my co-workers that I would be taking time off in July & August since I didn’t take time off at the holidays because my family had some things going on. I only worked one week of my regular schedule so far this month. I decided to call my time away, my sabbatical.

I found this definition on  The Sabbatical Coach:

A sabbatical is a period away from your normal routine – a time to immerse yourself in a different environment, a chance to see your life from a different perspective. 

 He also shares four of the reasons people take them. I fall into this category:

Rejuvenation

The third category I see is people who are on track in life and know it. They have a clear sense of their life purpose and see their work as a vocation. Because they are so driven by their passion and purpose, these people are prone to overwork and burn out. For this group the sabbatical is a way to rest and renew so that they can come back to their life’s work reenergized and ready for more.

Here’s how I spent most of July: running a 5k, attended a wedding, camping, playing cards with my parents, running with Dad,  hanging out with Laura (my best friend from high school) and her husband Jeremy, road tripping with Brad, lounging and browsing at Barnes & Noble, eating out with friends, learning how to hunt ghosts, golfing with Brad, hanging in a hot tub, making breakfast with Brad, grilling, sitting by a fire, reading, spending time with Tim and Shannen, drinking (alot of) margaritas with Shannen, teaching everyone we interacted with how to play Up & Down The River, getting my haircut, going to a (great) Twins game, getting acupuncture, downing fertility meds, visiting my counselor, attending my new niece, Emily’s baby shower, hanging with my sister Tiffany, dancing on Jessica’s bar, playing sand volleyball, going to the NASCAR race  in Newton, hitting the casino with my parents, and spending 2 weekends with my nephews. (oh and getting pulled over on the nights I actually did work in July).

Pictures are forthcoming, but I am still alive. 

Emily Allison has arrived!

My sister Jessica had her 3rd baby (1st girl!) last Friday night. It worked out perfectly that I had Saturday off for other reasons. We got to go up to the hospital twice and visit. It was wonderful. I wish my schedule wasn’t so ridiculous so I could get there to see them more. I barely get to see Brad as it is….I stayed by my phone at work all night waiting for the text updates. It really sucked being 10 minutes from the hospital and not being able to be there…But finally it came “we have a daughter” 

She is so incredibly precious and sweet, even when she was screaming her head off while getting her diaper changed….

I know there won’t be a shortage of black and gold in her wardrobe, so I had to make sure she has purple and gold stocked, too!

She’s only about 14 hours old in this picture….(I look horribly pale and ill, although I wasn’t…I was looking into the sun)

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Sammy’s unconditional love

Sammy and I have had this awesome bond since the day we picked him up. That day he was 8 weeks old and I was horribly sick. It took all the energy I had to just ride in the car and walk to the house to pick him up. We had picked out a few names but nothing quite felt right. On the way home, Brad said Sammy and it just fit. I cuddled with him on the couch immediately when we go home. He was tired, I was sick beyond belief. I think we slept for two whole days.

Ever since then, we have been total buddies.  Even after 2.5 years, whenever I come home, he acts like he hasn’t seen me in days and is so excited. When Brad hears me come home, he says “is that mommy” and Sammy goes crazy barking.

Whenever I’m sick, he always curls up next to me. Whenever I have a bad day or am upset, he heads to my side of the bed and wants to sit on my lap. (When I’m not upset, he starts on Brad’s but eventually ends up with me).

It’s so nice to come home after a long or crummy day and see Sammy jumping around and all excited because I’m home. He sits on the side of the bed next to the bathroom and just stares as I brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. Brad said when I went to Laura’s for a few days, Sammy sat on my pillow waiting for me. If he happens to be in his kennel when I come home, he makes this cute whining little bark, one time, because he wants to get out and give me kisses. If he is trying to give me love, and Sophie tries to intervene, he play growls at her and plays like he’s going to bite her long nose. It’s like he’s half serious, half not. “I’m play growling, but you’d better back off!” His new enemy is the Guitar Hero guitar. He wants to sit on my chest while I play. He insists I find room for him on my lap even if I am going to play for a few songs. 

He is such a wonderful little dog…he has been everything I ever wanted in a little buddy. He just makes me happy.

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Why time with your girlfriends is great

The reasons why my trip to Laura’s this past “weekend” was fabulous.

• I got to catch up with Laura and we had ALOT of catching up to do.
• Getting to meet Ella and Christian – I have met them before, but only for like 5 minute intervals. Getting to know their personalities was so great!
• We  drove an hour and 40 minutes one way to go to DSM to Sex And The City 2
• We went to Coldstone
• We spent our 3 hours in the car doing all of the catching up
• I got a hug from the kids whenever I left the house – too cute
• Their dog, Jessie. Wonderful, well-mannered, great dog
• Hanging out in the back yard with the kids in the pool
• Jeremy and the kids took me to their favorite ice cream place while Laura was at a meeting
• Laura introduced me to new wine from a local winery
• Our trip to the store for milk turned into a trip for milk and 3 bottles of wine.
• I had to take a detour on the way there and got to pass through a few super small towns – I love that.
• I got to taste a pineapple patty – yum!
• I spent part of my drive to Ottumwa catching up with Lisa…FINALLY!
• Jeremy said Laura hadn’t stayed up that late since they had been married. 
• We stopped at a very yummy bakery in Pella
• I learned just how Dutch Pella is…how did I not know this?
• Brad’s aunt and uncle live only 25 minutes away so I got to spent some time with them!
• I got to see Aunt K’s shady garden.finally!
• I got to meet cousin Cheryl’s kids because they were staying with Aunt K and Uncle P
• The road trip home involved times of windows down, radio up, and loud singing
• Time away and a break in routine is always a great thing
• We already started making plans to get together again. Soon.

I don’t have my pictures uploaded from my phone yet – I’ll get to that this weekend!

Today = Evil; Gratitude, where are you?

So I woke up in a great mood, jumped on work email to see what the day had in store and it went instantly to hell in a handbasket, but skip the handbasket. If   one more person say they can’t work for me because of some condition they put on what days/reason they can & cannot work, or they back out because they forgot something after they committed, I’m going to freaking lose it.  The day just got worse from there.

So here I am, practicing what I wrote yesterday. I need to find some gratitude in the day, because, frankly…today sucked.

Today I am grateful for:

A good job to go to (even if I want to throttle some people there sometimes)

A car that is working well (Sista Tiffany’s not having that luck so I’m going to be thankful)

Friends that lent an ear

When someone shows up at work with a caramel coffee drink for me…Freaking score here.

The Lakers are leading the playoffs

The group of people who love all my quirks: I might be emotional and crazy at times, but I’m loyal, passionate, and determined

The fantastic Fareway enchilada I had for dinner

AE dip & Archer Farms kettle chips

My awesome new haircut

My awesome new flat iron

Catching up with Sista Tiffany for a few minutes

The Facebook “block” function – again – There are only 2 people I can’t stomach. And they are blocked. Goodbye, negative, nasty people.

My fabulous husband who tolerates my recent roller coaster emotions about life

My wonderful doggies who are so excited to see me, it’s like they haven’t see me in a year

When I talk to Brad at work and he says “Mommy” to Sammy and he barks like crazy because he thinks I’m home.

Ok. That worked. I feel better.

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Blogs, Harleys, Golf, and Friends, oh my

Over the last week, I have had so many thoughts about things to blog about. I used to blog all the time and even though the last couple of months I’ve had a lot in my head, sometimes it was hard to articulate it into words. In the last couple of weeks,  there has been a lot going on and some cool things new discoveries that I have been excited to share. I will post pictures soon of several of things. Until then:

 A cool blog I stumbled on. While perusing through B & N, I saw this book and then checked ou the blog 1000awesomethings.

My fabulous friend, Tiffy V sent me an invite for The Gratitude Log. I joined the log and although I may not put all of my gratitude on that online log, I definitely need to find the little things in life, even on my worst days. It’s been a rough couple of years and sometimes when the burdens of life seem to weigh too much, I try to remember the good things. I need to do this more. Thank you, Tiff for once again dropping a little piece of wonderful into my life, once again, at just the right time. 

Mom really wants to buy a Harley. Dad really wants to buy Mom said Harley. Dad visited the Harley shop and signed Mom and oldest daughter (me) up for “Garage Party” night at the local Harley shop. At garage night, which is for women only, we learned all about motorcycles, the different gear you should wear to keep you safe, and how to pick a motorcycle that is lying on the ground. We also learned about the different ways you can modify a motorcycle (I didn’t know you could make them higher/lower to the ground to account for your height), and we got to “drive” a motorcycle! It was on a machine so the bike didn’t go anywhere, but we got to start it shift up, shift down and put it into neutral. Too cool!

I ran another 5k. It was my first repeat race…It was the first one I ran after we moved last year. I didn’t beat my time from last year, but it was the first race I’ve run in the rain and I shaved 2 minutes off my time in April. Whoot!

I golfed my first official 18 holes. Brad has always wanted me to learn how to golf. He thinks he can turn me into a golfer that can at least be seen on the course with him, without complete embarrassment. I finally bought a set of clubs last month. We had a best shot tournament for work so I figured it would be a good time to get practice in and learn what the heck I’m doing. I learned a ton and we had a great time! Double Whoot! 

We bought Band Hero…I’ve been pondering this for a while. We have some friends who have it and I have been fairly terrible when I’ve attempted it. However, one day it hit me that I would love to try it. Well, we were going to play for an hour or so, just to figure it out. That turned into something like 2.5 hours. What crazy fun it is. Over the last couple of days, we have been channeling our inner rockstars.

I finally got to take one of those “secure my own oxygen mask” steps and have had 2 appointments with my counselor, ie. “life coach”. Seriously…The best thing I’ve done all year. Already after 2 sessions I feel like I’m back on my way to deciding what the next steps are that I want out of my life and am working through the junk and anxiety I hold onto. It’s like a deep breath…Ahhhh

I also am going to start a “friends series” of sorts on my blog. I often think about the great things my friends have done and what important parts of my life they are. I just want to talk about it.

Today I discovered how you can use the blocking feature on Facebook. It wasn’t what I thought. It’s better.

We revamped our entire front landscape. Brad started tearing it out last year before it snowed. He moved all of the rock from the front to the back, so we could put it under the deck. (We needed more rock there). One day I went shopping to find some ideas about what I wanted to do. I ended up filling my car.

We attended a “7 Habits For Highly Effective Families” seminar. Brad’s work is going through the “7 Habits For Highly Effective People” training at work and CBE offered the families session for free. We also took my parents and we had a great time. Definitely some reflection coming on that.

I’m thinking about getting my 2nd tattoo. Not sure which one I want to do next and not sure where…that’s a big decision….Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll get it figured out.

The next couple of weeks will be great, too. My niece, Emily is due to arrive by the end of the month. Yay! We should be also getting to keep the boys for a weekend coming up. Can’t wait!   Also, in about a month, Brad and I are going on a week vacation, which gives me about 10 days off of work…..I. cannot. wait. I need some mental time. big time. soon. And as soon as we get back, Tiffany will be here for a visit. As Tony the Tiger would say, July is going to be “Grrreeeeat!”

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The twins joke

** Warning — this post contains details of my girlie organs **

(Nope. Not pregnant.) So I’ve never really considered myself “infertile”…Well, until I dialed up my research, big time. It’s clear my body does not want to cooperate when it comes to regular cycles, as I hoped it would. It seems that without these regular cycles, it will be virtually impossible to get pregnant. My doctor’s next option is put me on Clomid, a fertility drug. Before I agreed to take it, I wanted to find out if there were more plant-based or natural options.  There are the charting methods (but I’m not ovulating regularly, so that may not work) and acupuncture (which I’m already doing). My doctor wishes there was something more natural, but unless I want to try some unproven medicinal concoctions, it appears this is the best option for us, at this juncture. During my research the most widely used definition of infertility is: Infertility is the failure of a couple to conceive a pregnancy after trying to do so for at least one full year. Well, that’s us, it’s been 3+ years now…Infertile….Ew…I don’t like labels. I always thought of infertile people as the ones who could never ever get pregnant, no matter what options they tried. Turns out, obviously, the definition is wider.

Here’s my favorite research about Clomid:  Women taking Clomid should expect some side effects. These include headaches, hot flashes, mood swings, and more. Another side effect is a slightly increased risk of having twins. I feel like I am about to be Dorothy…headaches, hot flashes, and mood swings, oh my! So I told Brad I’m a little nervous about the Clomid route…What kind of crazy woman will I  become? He said in a loving way, “Well, honey, maybe it will make you less crazy”.  Ha. Thanks, honey.  Very funny. Who knows, maybe he’s right. We can hope, right?  Oh, and that other “side effect” slightly increased risk of having twins…Nice side effect. Really? That’s a side effect? It’s not like nausea or aches or sleepiness..It’s TWINS people. That’s not a side effect, that’s a life changer. I feel like they should say “side effects include headaches, hot flashes, and mood swings.  LIFE CHANGER x 2: You may experience sleepless nights, diaper costs, daycare costs, college costs, etc. times two for the rest of your life.”  Don’t get me wrong, one baby, twins, whatever, we will be happy, but I could not believe how nonchalant these descriptions are. 

So let me get to the joke part. Part of my parent paranoia is the pain of giving birth. There are many reasons why I am scared terrified of it, too many to list. So Brad always has a way to solve this problem.When I said (even before we were married) I wanted 4 kids but don’t know if I could live through 4 deliveries, he casually said,  ”Well, then just have twins twice. Then you only have to give birth twice”. He has reminded me of this “solution” many times over the years. And my sisters joke that I would be the one who would end up with twins or quadruplets, or hell, be the next octomom. So this whole thing kind of makes me laugh. It’s full circle. We joked about it for many, many years, and then we end up on the “infertility trail”. So here we are. Faced with a medicine that literally gives me an increased chance (albeit a very small chance) of twins. 

So in the next 3 weeks if I don’t have a cycle, they will give me something to help it along…then we start the Clomid. The doctor is pretty certain I just need this “jump-start” and we’ll hit a home run within 3-6 months.  This is for real. Catch me before I pass out.

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