20%

                                    
We have been anxiously awaiting the results of our IUI. Over the course of the past two weeks I have been pondering what it would like to be pregnant, what kinds of changes we are going to have to make if this works, and to be honest, I've spent some time being a scared of the next 18 years. Brad continues to be the best partner through this adventure, continuing to reassure me that I will be able to figure out everything that comes with parenthood.

I got a call from the doctor's office on Friday that my progestrone test came back at 19. They like it to be double digits and because it was, I can continue the same dose of Femara if the IUI isn't successful. The nice thing about this is that on the Clomid, it got up into the 50s and I started to have a lot of side effects from the drug. This has been a much more friendly version on my body.

On Saturday we got our results, well I got "it', at 4:30am. I thought I would be ok with it, but not so much. I got to work the next morning and run into one of my partners who said I didn't look excited to be at work. Then it comes, the quivering lip & tears. Luckily he knows what we are going through and since I didn't throw myself on the ground in sobbing tears, he didn't run away. He just sat down on the desk and said the most perfect thing ever: "I'm sorry. I remember being in that situation. I know nothing I can say can make you feel better".

When I got home from work, Brad asked how my day was. I told it was good, but that I was sad. Then he said & did the most perfect thing ever: He wrapped his arms all the way around me in a big bear hug and said "I know. I'm sad, too. I've been thinking about it all day". 

So we are sad. But I have surrendered to what I can and cannot control in this process. I more firmly believe that when we take a step forward, sometimes, even often, we will take two steps back. I just have to be ok with that. Some moments, days or even weeks are still really hard, but I just keep breathing and keep walking on.

I have done some research to see what our chances are. I want to be educated but I try not to do too much digging and be obsessive about it. I did find that the chances of IUI working are about 10% -20%, which are increased slightly when using fertility meds and even then it can take several IUIs.

So this month we will start round 2 of the medication.