Another Beginning

The End of The Beginning.
The week of June 10th was stressful. I took the weekend off and went to the Chevelle concert in Cedar Rapids with Brad - That was wonderful & awesome & just great to be us.

Monday I had to ditch my vacation day because we got our annual surprise assessment at work and I own it for our department. So in I went - that had it's moments and at times it sucked.

Tuesday I had to go back in for the rest of the assessment & then leave at 1:00 for court. Brad met me there.  We had attended a meeting the previous week at so we knew how this was all going to end. We actually knew it from the 2nd week they were with us. But we knew it was still going to be hard. I was ok that day, until the judge said what was going to happen with little man. And his mom cried. It was the first time I'd seen her cry. She was so happy. Then he said it about big girl. And she cried again. Then I got tears. I knew in my heart it was the right thing, but we knew it was going to be hard anyway.

I had asked her if we could keep them on Tuesday night and someone who wanted to visit them from early in their lives came over to play and see how they were doing. Charity and Dave also came over to say goodbye. I was ok until Charity hugged me and said "it will be ok, momma". I held it together long enough to put them to bed. Big girl put her head on my shoulder and rubbed my back as I sang to her. Twinkle twinkle didn't get finished - I couldn't get it to come out.

Then we closed their doors and went to the couch. I started picking up the toys strung out all over the floor and it came with such force, I couldn't hold it back. It wasn't a crazy sob, but I just cried. I picked everything up and cried the whole time. Brad hugged me and I melted. I packed up all of their stuff and cried the whole time. Just one of those good cleansing cries.

Wednesday I spent my whole day in an intense diversity workshop (just because I wasn't already exhausted enough) and then headed straight to daycare and picked up the kids. I met mom for drop off and she asked if she could take me up on my offer of watching them on Friday because daycare didn't start until Monday. So they came back on Friday and we got to spend one more day together.


They will never know the impact their little faces, personalities and progress had on us. They are such a wonderful part of our lives (even though they drove me crazy some times, just like any kids!) and we will be forever grateful for what they taught us. They showed us how to unconditionally trust - how do you just get moved into someone's house and trust them like they did with us? They taught us about how this entire process works, that I'm not a stay at home mom :), that I have limits much farther than I ever dreamed, that I really, really, truly could raise my own baby (I really had doubts I could get everyone out the door on time!), that I could actually get more busy than I already was, and most of all it doesn't matter what happens if you have someone who loves you.  When they left they had been so happy, so loving, so different than when they came to us. All of us working together, including our friends and family, made a world of difference in their lives that was amazing to watch. Mom has said she will stay in contact with us, so I can't wait until I can see them again.

Them coming to us was the beginning of our journey. Them leaving was the end of that beginning. At this point, we are all in.


Another Beginning
I got an email before our little houseguests went home from one of their previous families. The mom said they might need our help this summer as there was a little boy who may come to them long term. Sure, I said. No problem. They have been a help to us, so absolutely. Then last Friday she called and said something changed and they may not be able to take him and wanted to know if they could pass on our information. Of course, I said. I had been thinking about him off and on over the past two weeks. On Friday night, our licensing worker and I were texting to set up a meeting. She said there were a couple of kiddos who may be needing someone and I told her to keep us in mind.

Monday at work I got a call from Iowa KidsNet about those two kiddos she told me about. Obviously I can't say much, but what I can say is : they are a boy who turned 3 a couple of months ago and a girl who will be 5 later in the summer. I received a picture of them and oh my gosh; they are adorable. We are going to meet them tonight. If we all decide this will work out, we would transition with visits increasing and be totally moved in within 4-6 weeks. She will start school this year - can you believe we would have a school age sweetpea? I can also say, they are farther in the process than our previous guests were so we should know in a couple of weeks what their future will hold.

I'll be honest. I am so excited. But I didn't totally freak out this time when I got the call. I will post about that day at some point - I never want to forget the hilarity of that first day I got a call. I answered the call at work, returned calls, emailed Brad, all without missing a step, as if it was part of my day. I had envisioned at some point in the future we could field calls like this, calm, cool, collected and base decisions on what we can do for kiddos. I seems I was able to master than by the time the next call came. It was our 5th call overall, and yes, I'm going to keep track. (We will likely not get a call about the little guy now, as we have been "matched" with these guys.)

I'll be honest again, I am also totally freaked out. I don't know anything about the school system yet. I wasn't really planning on doing this until later. School starts in our neighboorhood, in let's see...8 or 9 weeks. I guess that's enough time. I have no idea what I'm doing. If it was kids we had raised since birth, you get to lead up to this time; you know the child, their behaviors, their reactions, their fears, and what comforts them and can use all that to have some sort of plan for how you all handle school starting. While will get info, you never know how it will go until you all jump in.

I am also nervous about them being attached the family they live with. I have visions of it being a very difficult transition. I feel like I could take on another 8 month old and 18 month old and know what the heck I'm doing, but we are entrying new territory here. Luckily, we have friends with children this age and my niece and nephews are super close in age.

So before I get ahead of myself, we go tonight to meet them. We'll be introduced just as the parents' friends who are just over to visit. But I'm alreay having trouble controlling my emotions. Brad knew I was sucked in the minute I saw their pictures. I have dreams. Big dreams. Big, big dreams.  I know if they come, it will be hard and scary for all of us. If they are to be a part of those dreams, I can't wait to start the journey.

If you know me well, you know I have always had a great love for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And this is one my favorite quotes. It has given me courage since I got the call on Monday to trust again, that everything will turn out just like it is supposed to.