Today: An Episode From House, MD

There is an episode of House where Dr. Cuddy is trying to adopt her soon to be daughter Rachael, and the child protective guy comes over for a visit. The house is messy, the baby is crying, there's a dirty diaper sitting on/in her briefcase and she looks like a basket case... as if she has been trying to corral sheep all day. I also think there were dirty dishes in the living room and in the kitchen. Oh, and she's on the phone trying to get rid of House who needs her permission for something. She's mortified when this guy shows up. She begs him for another chance. He then tells her there is nothing to worry about, that the fact that she is worried that the house looks like this means she cares and I think he says he is recommending the adoption.

So today, we have our first home study with our licensing working from DHS/Iowa KidsNet. This visit will entail a house tour where they give you a list of anything you may need to correct before we get to the end of our classes in 5 weeks, so that you have plenty of time. The house has been fairly clean all week and we have already taken steps to ensure we meet the criteria and I'll be home for several hours today so I can wrap up anything else I want. But somehow for the past few days, my very own version of this episode keeps going through my head.

I envision her coming up the stairs, one of them cracking under her feet, nearly sending her sailing off the porch. The dogs are barking endlessly at her, then peeing on her, then a light fixture falls off the ceiling and sizzles as it nearly clocks her in the head. She asks "where is that smell coming from" and I can't smell a thing. She pulls up a couch cushion and finds spilled liquid growing super green, super hairy mold. Then she checks the toxic household chemicals and prescriptions we have locked in the closet. The closet which has a number combination to unlock, unlocks without her having to enter the code and all of the child proof caps have all disappeared and now you can open them with a quick twist. Then she asks again "where is that smell coming from?". We all round the corner and a dog has popped on the carpet, but not the solid log you can pick up easily; it's the 'nasty, get the Spot Bot Machine and try not to gag your face off' kind. We finally make our way to the basement, when the carpet comes unattached from the step and she goes bouncing on her ass all the way down the stairs and face plants on the carpet. Oh, and in this nightmare, the sump pump has gone out again so when she face plants, there is 2 inches of water in the basement and we have fish swimming in our basement and an electrical outlet sizzles near her head.

We get back upstairs and to the kitchen, when the knife block falls and she barely can get her foot out of the way before a knife lands blade down, sticking out of the kitchen floor. And for the 3rd time, she asks, "and that smell?". She opens the refrigerator to liquid oozing out of cardboard OJ containers and milked curdled nearly beyond recognition. She looks left and sees our entire laundry room, literally stacked to the ceiling with dirty, non-fresh smelling laundry. I start freaking out and sobbing uncontrollably because this isn't what my house looked like 2 hours ago.

Now luckily, I've never had this vision while asleep, as that would be one hell of a horrid nightmare. And I know this won't happy today, but I feel like now, I will be looking out of the corner of my eye to ensure all of the light fixtures stay firmly in their place...on the ceiling.