Confessions

**Warning - this definitely contains 'too much information'. So I started writing this post on Wednesday morning. But the end of Wednesday, the tone of this post changed. So I'll give you a taste of the morning and the evening.

8am:
The most frustrating part of this infertility process is that I haven't been able to get a positive test result for the LH hormone that says I'll be ovulating. Since starting Clomid, I have been using these home tests, following all of the directions and nothing. The crazy part, is that I go in for labs every month and they are so happy about how great my body is reacting to the Clomid and that I have ovulated. In October I went back to the doctor and they said I should start testing earlier. In September I also switched to digital tests that are hopefully a little easier. So here comes November, and negative...like 87 times. I was annoyed. I haven't really gotten very stressed out about this whole process because each month we have learned something new about this process. But I will admit, after all of these negatives in November, I was darn frustrated. I then found out a couple of my friends are pregnant. For the first time, I was truly pissed off. Really? People are accidentally getting pregnant and I can't find the freaking day I ovulate? On this morning, I tested again - Negative. Seriously? How is this possible? The labs are saying I'm ovulating but I'm somehow testing all day every day, according to the directions and nothing.

7pm
Tested again. Got distracted. Almost left the house. Remembered that I haven't checked the test. Run back into the house. It's been more than 10 minutes. Results are now void. Click the eject button on digital tester to angrily throw it in the trash. Smiley face appears! Now, on the digital test, the smiley face means the hormone is there and you are going to ovulate. BUT it's been like 15 minutes so the results could be incorrect. Brad and I mini-celebrate on the way to dinner with giant smiles on our faces. Have to wait until 11pm to test again for accuracy. How will I stay awake?

11pm
Didn't stay awake. Wake up on couch. Test again. SMILEY FACE! Whoot! A positive result. I still can't believe it. Two good things this month.

Yeehaw!