A New Place

Sorry Mike - Here I am again...

I have been dealt the harsh reality this week that I am in a new place I have never been before. That basically, I won't be able to achieve a goal I set for myself. Without moving to another job first, I won't be able to do the job I want to do. And then...It still wouldn't be a guarantee. I've always been successful at every job I've had. I work wickedly hard to be the best at everything I do -I've never not been able to achieve the next thing I wanted in my career. After years of being told "keep doing what you're doing" and "you can absolutely do that job, you just have a few things to work on", the door all but closed on Sunday.

After discussing my job and career goals again this weekend, I was told that I have a great overall picture of the business, I make decisions based on what's good for the business and people, I can develop people, and various other wonderful things I am good at. And I was also told that I make things too personal. I was told that leading at the next level, everything is so personal. When I asked if I could do the job, the answer was Yes. But I was told that I would need to have a job outside of the operation (most likely at headquarters) to take a step back in order to be successful at the next level. I shared that I have asked about the things I would need to work on for the past 3 years and this wasn't shared. I was told I've made great growth in the past year, that people see that great things I'm doing -- When I asked "then what good was all of that doing...where is all of that leading" I was told we'd need to talk about it next weekend.  I was upset because when I wanted to go to HQ, I got strong armed into going to Iowa to this new building because they were having trouble getting people to move here. Now that I can't go to HQ, I'm told it's pretty much my only hope in getting to the level I want to lead at, and even then, it would be no guarantee.

I shared I didn't want to move departments and was told I could stay there quite a while. When I asked if I could get to the next level from my current job, I was told "it's not impossible". Yikes. That pretty much sounds like "Snowball's chance in hell". I told my boss I guess I had decisions to make and he said I didn't have to. I told him, I want to lead at the next level and no one gets to that job by doing 5 or more lateral moves (I'm on my 4th lateral move) and he didn't say anything - he just looked at me. (His blank look = Yeah, pretty much) I told him I guess now I see the writing on the wall and and I asked why no one has told me this in the last 3 years. Because I've always been told I could achieve this goal, if I worked a few things. So why now when I'm apparently being so successful, is this happening? He said his opinion, no one wanted to tell me because they didn't know what my Plan B was. Really infuriating given I have said many times, if that job isn't for me, just tell me so I can focus on something different. But I was always told it was achievable if I worked a few things. And even though the carrot was still there, the nail really went in the coffin for me when this was said: "things are personal to you and you'll never be able to turn that all the way off."

   

So I guess the door is closed. I guess my passion, high standards, and honesty aren't a good fit. It's hard not to think I have wasted 3 years. Especially 2 years ago when that one person made my life there a living hell and I really wanted to walk away because it was so awful.

It hurts. It really hurts. I really feel like I've been used.  Another thing I really hate about this - I actually really like my boss. I've always thought all of this was coming from others in the group, because I had 2 bosses before him. He's just the only with the guts to be honest with me.

So I am looking around now for the door that opened, when this door closed.